My Brains are Leaking Out and My Heart is Breaking

And it’s my book’s fault.

PROBLEM A – I’ve been writing like a whirlwind to meet the deadline this month, and, lo and behold, I’ve got the first draft of Ch 16 DONE TODAY OH MY GOSH I’M SO EXCITED AND ALSO REALLY SAD BECAUSE THIS CHAPTER TORE MY HEART APART WHEN I DIDN’T EXPECT IT TO

Which leads to PROBLEM B – I’d been looking forward to this explosion of character tempers for MONTHS, and when it finally happened…I mean, yeah, I was quite satisfied that This Character finally got to say what was on his mind, but…wow. It really tore me up inside. And Other Character had a really depressing reaction to TC’s verbal retaliation. Not saying OC didn’t earn it, because she totally got the tongue-lashing she deserved.

I don’t even really know what I’m trying to say. My thoughts lay in a heap by the side of my notebook and refuse to untangle themselves. Writing this book leads me around surprise bends every chapter. Some of them I wish weren’t so painful sometimes, but I suppose that without the ache in my own chest, I’ll never get a reader to feel the despair of TC and the frustration and poisonous thoughts running through OC’s mind at this point in time.

Writing a novel effectively is like telling someone else’s life story as if you lived it. And if you write the truth, no matter how much that truth hurts YOU first and foremost as the writer, then everyone who reads your book–whether they “like it” or not–will come out feeling that you suffered every wound, bear every scar, and can relay every story and memory as if you lived there and experienced whatever situations happen in your book. Tonight I felt TC’s resignation toward this complicated situation. (I can’t tell you what it is; draft-readers of mine read this blog, so I’m self-censoring. HI, MOM!!! HI, JUANITA!!! :D)

Let me break it down for you. Say you have a hope for something that could happen, and only months before has a similar hope been ground to fine silt by the person you trusted most. Now that hope has entered your life and you see the sun once more, you think that maybe, JUST MAYBE, you’d be able to live again, then–BOOM. The trusted person ruins EVERYTHING. AGAIN. And you’re like, “OH MY LIVING MOSES WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU DO YOU REALLY HATE ME SO MUCH YOU PSYCHOTIC INHUMANE SNAKE?!?!?!?!??!”

(No, there is not enough correct punctuation to fully express to you how hurt I was at the end of this chapter.)

Now I know why The Best Friend says my characters get put through the wringer. They really do. I used to enjoy watching them squirm until I started squirming with them.

Anyway. I’ve almost met my Bonus Deadline for the end of the month!!! I’m feeling very productive, and if the trend follows, I should have Part II finished by the middle of next month!!!!! πŸ˜€ Also, this:

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2 thoughts on “My Brains are Leaking Out and My Heart is Breaking

  1. Yeah, I got a shoutout on your blog, I’m sorry you’re going through all the feels with your characters, but it makes me think you must be writing something damn good girl, cannot wait till I get to hear/read the whole blessed thing one day. Good luck!

    • πŸ˜€

      I’m tearing through this sucker like I didn’t think I would be capable of. I hope I’ll have it out by Create Space either by the end of August or at the beginning of September. (Also, I will call you back ASAP; we’ve been busy and I’m so crappy at returning phone calls. ._.)

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